He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
