YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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