can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
