Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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