I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
