I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
