I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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