we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
