She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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