did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
