My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
