So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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