So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
