is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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