I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
the liver wants what the liver wants
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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