this beer tastes like vomit already
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
