If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
zippers are such a cool invention
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
