i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
His hands were made for my vagina.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize