So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
