Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Is Oprah even human
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
