Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
