Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
