But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
