I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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