I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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