I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
