sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
