Umm I'm too high to move.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
