What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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