I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
