Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
