Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
