okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
