Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
