I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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