i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
