found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
