ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
