so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
