moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
