I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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