what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
