So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
