Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
