OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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