everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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