Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize