your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
