Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
