Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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