I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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