My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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