Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize