i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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