Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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