Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
