ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
