How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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