I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
