It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
