I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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