Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
