His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
