Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
