if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
