When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
