then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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