Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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