dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
