god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
