i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
