So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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