And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
