Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I need a beard to bite.
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