i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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