I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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