there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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