I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think my moral compass just broke
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
