He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
