Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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