Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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